Running through my options

I really hate running – I exercise so that I can eat chips and don’t have to buy new trousers. Unfortunately my formal wear was all purchased when I was much younger and far slimmer, so with wedding season coming up I’m having to put a little more effort in than normal.

In fact I’m trying to psych myself up for a run right now, but successfully reasoning that I really ought to put something on here for fear of neglecting my global audience. I really wouldn’t want that.

What usually happens is that I resolve to head out nice and early (mostly so no one sees me) before spending the next hour or two trying to talk myself out of it. I know that from the very first step I’ll be miserable and wish that I was doing anything else in the universe right now. What keeps me going is that I don’t want to waste a good pair of contact lenses on sitting around. If I had a decent pair of glasses that didn’t fly off my face if I so much as turn my head too quickly I’d be even less fit than I currently am.

I thought about a bike ride, but I’ve really nowhere to go and there’s nothing more depressing than meandering about on a bicycle. A brisk walk was another option, but it would take twice as long as a run and I’d rather be sitting down again as soon as I can. I’m extremely lazy, though I do spend a significant amount of brain power calculating what the easiest set of scenarios are that get me sitting down again as soon as possible.

I’m often running late, though not very quickly. I love running a bath, but that’s useless for cardio. I ran for office once or twice, but that was back in my student days. None of this would normally slip past my internal quality control, incidentally, but I’m desperately trying to put off the inevitable.

Eurgh.