Contains scenes of a persuasive nature

I don’t really watch television any more – not because I’m particularly cultured, it’s more that I gave up my telly licence through sheer petulance when the BBC made me redundant last year and even then we’d only kept it to watch Race Across the World on channel two.

Not to say that I’m not hooked on the streaming services, but the thing I find overwhelming when I visit my parents at Christmas is the adverts. The approach feels like something the Americans perfected on Taliban prisoners during their little sojourn in Afghanistan the other decade. It’s all relentless flashing and loud music, while I sit in a prone position on the slightly too soft sofa down one side of the living room trying not to slide off the cushions.

I’m actually writing this now while I try and ignore the adverts that Channel 4 is visiting upon me in return for watching people make cakes. Weirdly the programme itself tortures itself trying to make sure that participants don’t mention any form of branding while they’re on the show, presumably so that any makers of yeast extract or rich dark stout – whoever they may be – would be compelled to actually pay for one of the intensely traumatic 30-second spots intended to flog their wares.

If anything it’s all a rather nice advert for sitting down with a good book and a blanket.